


Telephone Pole

by mikie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Car Accident, Depressed!Derek, Hurt!Derek, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:17:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikie/pseuds/mikie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek hasn't driven by the telephone pole in six months. He had gone desperate measures to avoid that one street that has the telephone pole that’s probably decorated in flowers and cards. He couldn't bring himself to drive and see it. Out of all the ways Stiles could've been killed since his world was consumed by mythical creatures, a goddamn telephone pole had to be the culprit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Telephone Pole

Derek hasn't driven by the telephone pole in six months. He had gone desperate measures to avoid that one street that has the telephone pole that’s probably decorated in flowers and cards. He couldn't bring himself to drive and see it. Out of all the ways Stiles could've been killed since his world was consumed by mythical creatures, a goddamn telephone pole had to be the culprit. Derek thought that Stiles going away to university would prevent anything from happening, but he had come home for a holiday and he wouldn't ever return to his classes. Derek kept telling himself that only because Stiles was once a part of his pack, he felt a hole in his heart. He kept telling himself only because of his past sense of protection over Stiles was why he couldn't say his name aloud anymore but he knew it wasn't true. Even after Stiles had become a part of Scott’s pack once he had become a true alpha, Derek still felt a connection to Stiles, the connection. The indisputable urge to protect him, to be near him.

~

The first few weeks after Stiles passed, Derek had been in denial. Derek would break into Stiles’s room, silently so Sheriff Stilinski wouldn't hear him (he wouldn't notice in all reality, he had gotten into the habit of drinking after Stiles’s body was found in the car). His wolf would collect all of Stiles’s scent that was still there and try and track him. Derek’s wolf’s instincts were involuntary, Derek had no control. Derek tried to stop himself from taunting Stiles’s smell, knowing that he could never smell it from the source again. If he was lucky, Derek could track Stiles’s smell to where his jeep had been parked that night and then he would shift back because it overwhelmed Derek’s senses too much to have Stiles back in his nose.  But even when Derek was a wolf, he wouldn't sleep in Stiles’s bed, he was worried that the smell would fade away, he wanted to savor his smell for as long as it would last.

Scott tried to lecture him about how breaking into the Sheriff’s house wasn't the _smartest_ idea but he was too grief-stricken to enforce it because Scott would go over to the Stilinski house to sit with Stiles’s dad, even if it was just in silence. Scott tried to get Sheriff to stop drinking but the Sheriff had totally lost himself that he wouldn't notice Scott take a swig of the whiskey bottle that he had constantly on his kitchen table. The only time Sheriff leaves his house was to go to work (even though the deputies don't let him out of the office because they don’t trust him with a gun).

Derek couldn't bring himself to comfort anyone, not even Stiles’s own father, when he couldn't even collect himself. Derek was somewhat relieved that he wasn't an alpha anymore because he wouldn’t be a good caretaker of his betas, being so dejected. He didn't want to think it was his fault but he _knew_ it was his fault.

~

Two months after Stiles left Derek, Derek stopped eating. He felt it was the easiest way to stop thinking about Stiles. But he knew Stiles wouldn't like it, he could almost picture Stiles coming to the loft and making him eat those damned curly fries or something (he could only _almost_ picture Stiles talking to him because he’s losing sense of how Stiles’s voice sounded).

Scott and Lydia would try and help though, they would drop off food at his loft or make a delivery man arrive on his doorstep but he would just put all of it back in his fridge for later (he didn't plan on later).

Derek probably would’ve starved to death if Scott hadn’t come back and intervened. Derek could hear him stomping up from the parking lot but he didn't hide because he could almost smell the anger radiating of Scott. He walked into Derek’s loft with the stride of a king and shoved Derek against the enormous window of the loft. Derek didn't fight back, he knew he deserved it whatever the reason be.

“You think this is a good idea?” Scott roared, releasing him. He marched over to the refrigerator, swung it open to see all the food that him and Lydia had sent over that week so he growled as he slammed it shut. He stormed back to where he had left Derek and pin him back up to the wall and continued, “Derek, people need you! You're not the only person in this world! I don't care how hard Stiles dying hit you,” Derek cringed with pain that he couldn't fight, “we need you. You think Stiles would want you to do this?, “Scott drove the heels of his hands harder into Derek’s shoulders, “Do you? Avoid all of his friends and slowly starve yourself to death? He wouldn't want that! I don't know what happened between you two, I don't want you to tell me because I don't fucking care! You need to get your head out of your ass and realize they are more people in this than yourself. ” Scott slammed Derek against the window for emphasis and before he left, he said, “people care about you and the rest of us are hurting too.”

Derek waited to throw himself into bed until he heard Scott’s mom’s car’s engine mumble away. He knew what happened between Stiles and himself but he wasn't ready to remember.

~

Two months after that, Derek started talking out loud more. He didn't know how silent he was when he spoke the first time because he forget the way his own voice sounded. He was so busy trying to remember how Stiles sounded that he didn’t other to use his own. Scott was forgiving and was now speaking to him, he never really asked what had happened between him and Stiles but he knew Scott wanted to know one day.

But Derek morbidly thought about how easy it would be to get wolfsbane into his system. On the off chance there was no one there to save him, he could go see Stiles again in whatever afterlife there was to be offered. Scott sensed this though, smelled it even, so he convinced Ms. McCall to let Derek stay in the guest room for the time being (he felt like he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon).

Scott hadn't gone back to school after coming back for Stiles’s funeral, he said there was still stuff to be taken care of (everyone knew he probably wasn't going to go back). Derek and Scott sat in silence when they were home together except for the times when Ms. McCall would force them both to eat as a ‘family’ at the kitchen table when the silence was filled with stories from the emergency room.

Derek didn't like being in Scott’s house without Stiles so he would only go back there to sleep. He didn't drive on the last road Stiles drove down because he knew he wouldn't be able to take it. Derek ended up telling Scott what had been going on with Stiles and him when he went and crashed his car.

Stiles had gotten too boozed up at one of those parties that college kids hosted when they all got back home and he showed up on Derek’s doorstep (he told the interrogator that he didn't see Stiles that night), begging Derek to tell him what he was doing wrong. Derek had invited him inside to get him some water to sober him up but that’s when Stiles broke down. Stiles continued to tell Derek that he had been in love with Derek ever since he saved Stiles’s life and that he had been trying to show Derek that ever since and he asked how Derek didn't see it (Derek smelled it - the lust, arousal with that lingering love - but he didn't let it get to him). Derek told him to stop saying things he would regret and told Stiles he could take the bed, they could talk in the morning. Stiles threw the glass of water against the wall and sobbed as he walked out of the loft, just as quickly as he had left, repeating these words, ‘Derek, I love you, why don't you see?’.

Derek couldn't bring himself to go after Stiles, he didn't want Stiles to see him so vulnerable so all he could do was listen to the sound of Stiles’s choked breathing and sniffles until he got down to that jeep. He listened to the jeep as it drove away, until it was no longer in his listening distance.

That was the last time he had saw Stiles, excluding when he went to go find him later that night only to smell his blood (he couldn't hear his heartbeat - it had already stopped) crashed into that damned telephone pole.

After he had finished telling Scott the story, Scott got up without a word.

~

It was now six months after Stiles crashed and Scott had kicked him out a month ago because he couldn't deal with him now that he knows how it really ended. Derek couldn't go back to the loft because he wasn't able to pay the rent.

Derek parked on the side of the road, slamming his steering wheel with his hands, surprising himself by sobbing hysterically. He was scolding himself, he didn't mean to let Stiles go, now he tried to shout to Stiles out loud but it didn't come out coherent so he screaming inside his head, shouting Stiles’s name, begging him to come back. Needing him to keep himself grounded, from destroying himself multiple times over, but Stiles wasn't there to do that. He had been strong when his family had been taken away from him but Stiles was his anchor, he _needed_  Stiles. He felt selfish for asking for Stiles back just for himself. But Stiles wasn't there, his smell was gone from his room and his clothes (he had checked that morning), his voice has vanished from his head (Derek didn't have the heart to call Stiles’s cell phone to see if the voicemail was still working), and the only place left for him to see was the telephone pole.

Derek turned on to the street blinded by his own tears but he knew just where the spot was.

He remembered that night, smelling the blood. He remembered, ripping the driver's door open (he had hoped Stiles would have been alive to scold him) and seeing his entire ribs smashed in, probably puncturing his lungs in seconds. His forehead had a massive bruise, but other than that, Stiles's face was perfect (Derek ignored the tear streaks that ran down Stiles's cheeks). He remembered taking Stiles's body out and putting him in his lap, keeping himself in his arms before he had to call the authorities. Derek smelled his hair, taking in the fresh smell when he had the opportunity before it went to wherever they sent human bodies. He almost debated taking Stiles's sweatshirt but he couldn't bring himself to tear Stiles away from his one and only red sweatshirt. He called 911 after ten minutes. 

But now he could see the blurry colors of pink cards and white bouquets strapped to the pole where he had sat with him. Derek sped his car up faster than he had ever gone in his Camaro before, trying to pass it so he didn't have to think about it anymore.

Derek didn't see the telephone pole that was only a few meters past Stiles’s. Derek willed himself not to heal and this one time, he succeeded. Derek’s world was filled with so many mythical creatures, and a telephone pole was the culprit?

 **FIN**.

 


End file.
